Remember, remember the 5th of Nov

The US presidential election on Tuesday just happens to coincide with the annual November 5 Bonfire Night (or Guy Fawkes Night) over in Britain. So it looks like we could be in for plenty of fireworks on both sides of the Pond.
It is something of a relief that the US election is only two days away, although in the next 48 hours there may still be a few twists in the tail. The campaigning feels like it has been going on forever. At least in Britain they get the whole thing done and dusted in six weeks, although many feel that’s still too long. God help us if there is a dispute over Tuesday’s result. Now that couldn’t possibly happen could it?
Watching the US presidential candidates slagging one another off like squabbling children in the playground hasn’t been the most uplifting of experiences. These politicians still have something to learn in the art of insulting behaviour.
There is nothing inherently wrong in insulting your opponent, after all, that’s what politics is all about. But it is more effective if accomplished with an element of style, sophistication and wit, something that has been generally absent in recent exchanges. Delivering an insult is quite a skill and involves more than calling one another silly names.
Of course politicians insulting one another has been going on since the birth of democracy. As far back as Ancient Greece playwright Aristophanes observed “the characteristics of a popular politician are a horrible voice, bad breath and a vulgar manner.”
Some might say not a lot has changed over the years.
Readers may recall that on the day America went to the polls in 2016 the Miami Herald ran what must have been its shortest-ever editorial which simply read: “Her, Not Him, Enough Said”. In light of what ensued it must have been tempting to blame the proof-readers and come out the next day with: “Correction: Him, Not Her.”
Like most newspapers in America and indeed, much of the world, the Herald backed the wrong horse. One wonders if this year they might come out with something similar. I’ll leave it to readers to suggest the headline. Perhaps the most baffling thing is that why in such turbulent times anyone in their right mind would aspire to be president.
Just about everything the US president does affects everyone in the world. British historian Arnold Toynbee wasn’t far off the mark when he commented: “America is like a large friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair.”
American politicians could perhaps pick up a few techniques from their British counterparts who have long mastered the art of parliamentary put downs. A famous exchange occurred in Victorian times when Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone frequently clashed in Parliament.
The more articulate Disraeli invariably came out on top. Once when asked to distinguish between a misfortune and a calamity, Disraeli responded “If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune. If anyone pulled him out, that would be a calamity.”
One of the earliest examples came in the 18th century. Radical politician John Wilkes listened to Lord Sandwich as he announced to Parliament that Wilkes would “die from the gallows or of the pox.” Wilkes replied, “That depends, my lord, on whether I first embrace your principles, or your mistress.”
For some reason I’ve always remembered a splendid remark from Labour politician Denis Healey in the House of Commons many years ago. After being verbally attacked by the normally mild-mannered Conservative opponent Geoffrey Howe, Healey scoffed, “being criticized by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.”
Of course there is still plenty of silly name-calling in British politics but the words tends to be of a slightly eccentric nature. “Oaf”, “buffoon”, “twit”, “nitwit”, “nincompoop” and “numpty” immediately spring to mind.
The slogans for the 2024 campaign have not been particularly inspiring. In fact you have to go back to 1948 for an entertaining message with Harry S Truman’s “I’m Just Wild About Harry” taken from a popular song.
In 1952 supporters of Dwight Eisenhower came up with “I Like Ike”. Four years later they played it safe with “I Still Like Ike” and he went on to serve a second term. Eight years later it was “All the Way With LBJ”.
In 1964 Barry Goldwater’s “In Your Heart You Know He’s Right” seemed okay at first hearing, but opponents quickly responded with “In Your Guts You Know He’s Nuts.”
In fact some catchphrases create more trouble than they are worth. In Britain the 1979 Labour Party slogan was “Labour Is The Answer”.
Graffiti artists across Britain had a field day scribbling on the posters “If Labour Is The Answer It Must be a Bloody Silly Question.”
Comedian Jay Leno once remarked: “Politics is show business for ugly people. Being in politics is basically like being in B-movies.”
But if you had written a movie script based on the last decade in America n and British politics it would almost certainly have been rejected on the grounds of being totally unbelievable. The old dictum “democracy is the right to make the wrong choice” would seem to be a reasonable assessment of what American voters face on Tuesday.
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